It’s been over a week and if I’m honest, I’m still feeling completely numb. I am really struggling with continuing to celebrate life events when my mum isn’t here to see them anymore. 

We still haven’t managed to secure a date for her funeral which is a major issue for me as I feel like we need to say goodbye properly. 

I’m trying to celebrate birthdays, we have a “second wedding” planned in October and right now, being part of any of these kinds of celebrations seems wrong and so out of place. Not that I don’t want them to happen, it just seems so weird thinking about happy things when the realisation for me is without my mum, I can’t see myself being happy.

I’m returning to work tomorrow … at least I’m going to try to. I don’t know how I’ll function as teaching certainly isn’t the kind of job where you can sit back and relax. I need to carry on as that’s what she’d want.