This week has been a massive trial.
Not through anyone’s fault but if we can get past everything we’ve had in the last seven months, I know this marriage will last.
My hubby is home. Being without him here was one of the worst experiences I’ve had in a long time. To see him in hospital, on the same wards Mum initially was on before she passed was a horrible and incredibly emotion-fuelled experience. I am truly blessed and know who our friends are from the amounts of texts, offers of support, visitors and listening ears I’ve had to reach out to. We still have more tests to do, in the search of more answers.
This house has been our home together for four and a half years now, and without him here – this house isn’t really like a home. As much as we may complain about each other; making mess, hogging the sofa, etc. but I am actually so glad to have him annoying me 24:7 again. Well, most of the time – you can tell 4 days and 5 nights on a hospital ward with limited social engagement has affected him.
Working whilst knowing he was stuck in a hospital, waiting for results and not being able to be there for him and with him – was without a doubt, horrible. But I know that going back was the best thing for me, as the children I work with are definitely a distraction, which meant that I couldn’t really dwell on how I felt and not being there. It also meant that I reached out to my family and now my extended family since being married.
As well as my husband’s health, I’ve started on a journey relating to my own mental health. Having been diagnosed with PTSD, I was given two options – EMDR (Eye Movement, Desensitisation and Reprocessing) therapy or CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Having had CBT in the past, I decided that EMDR might be an interesting option. In January, I was told I was 21st in a waiting list. I’ve recently been told I am 16th in the list – 6 weeks later. Working on this, I may well not receive any therapy until May / June, which if I’m completely honest isn’t going to be remotely soon enough. I am now looking at options to go privately to receive such treatment quicker if possible.
So today, I have really embraced being home …
- Had a home-cooked meal.
- Spent some time sorting my bullet journal.
- Played on the Xbox with the Husband.
- Sorted out the house and began Operation:TidyUp as with a hectic week, those mundane chores that get done, need catching up on.
- Spending the evening watching TV, relaxing and recovering from a busy, stressful week.