29.3.2017 – Anxiety and Illness

The above image kind of summarises me for the last few weeks. I’ve not really been doing much beyond trying to function at work and keep all the other plates spinning in the hectic life of me. I have a temporary interest in plants and flowers, I’ve been recommended to buy an aloe plant to help me to sleep. (http://www.naturallivingideas.com/12-plants-for-your-bedroom-to-help-you-sleep/)

I’ve re-introduced some friends back into my life which has been interesting and hopefully beneficial in the long run. I’ve also started my EMDR therapy, which has been a curious discovery and has involved many pages in my journal and buying squishy stress relief gadgets to catch and distract my brain. I’ve got my second session this week. Some of it is helping me, other aspects are getting worse which I’m assured they will, before they get better.

We’ve been look around at new houses and have failed to find something we like or get to view them before they go off the market. So we’ll keep looking on that front … we aren’t in a complete hurry to do a move but it would be a balance of exciting and stressful. We just need more space. But it’s making me and Mr M spend more time together looking and deciding which is nice. Had some lovely meals with Mr M and my Dad recently, which has really made me switch on to being thankful for spending time with people, family that I used to take for granted.

Add in an OFSTED inspection – every teacher’s favourite time of their teaching careers. It’s possibly the most nerve-wrecking few days of my career every time we go through it. I have a lot of faith in my school and cannot wait to find out our results over all. This was immensely cushioned thanks to an amazing, thoughtful letter from a friend which totally highlighted my issues and how they thought I was coping, which was nice to hear from someone outside of my immediate life.

I tried to face a social event last weekend… I managed two hours… which I was impressed with as it was with people I didn’t really know and shopping surrounded by Mother’s Day things and knowing that it would be a massive trigger was difficult. But I’m glad I went for a short time, I didn’t spend the whole day celebrating their birthday but with trigger warfare and post-OFSTED dip – I’m kinda proud I managed it at all.

I could write a massive piece on Mother’s Day – But I won’t. It wasn’t my greatest day but I survived. Being asked “What do you like do on Mother’s Day – now you don’t have a Mum?” was possibly a highlight and I was amazed at how well I dealt with it and answered at the time. Needless to say, I’ve avoided said person since the incident and hope that stays that way for a while. Just to point out, even though she’s passed away – I still very much have/had a Mum in my life and always will.

I’ve spent work trying to keep going and knowing the Easter Holiday is soon approaching has helped. I feel so run down and my skin is showing how poorly I feel with loads of breakouts at the moment. I need some R&R and to feel a bit more normal again.

I’ve got Mum’s birthday on Saturday – I’m still not sure how I’m going to mark it… Answers on a postcard, please!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s